Winter and Summer Toe

L:  i need two artificial ones

a winter one

and a tanner one for summer

M:  if you had an artifical toe

i might fucking need a diaper

L:  id never have to shave it

Popsicle

M: i feel cold and alone
L: youre like a twin pop sans buddy
M: it took me like 3 mins to figure out what that meant

Number 4

M: forevre....whatever that word means
L: its like brett favres forever. which is very fickle

Wine Drunk Weirdo

M: do you want to wine drunk

L:  win drunk

??

M:  winninggggggg

L:  what

lol

M:  i wrote wine drunk

why are you confused

L:  my dyslexia is only drug related not alcohol

M:  i'm so confused

slap me silly

L:  what the fuck are you talking about

wine drunk

M:  wine drunk

like you drink wine

and you get drunk

L:  yes

L:  are you drunk

M:  no

are you

L:  do you want to drink wine after work?

is that whats going on?

M:  i was saying like

if ben can't take me to see the kitty

lets get wine drunk

L:  ok

lol

M:  I Love You

If we made a baby...

M: it's a pic of two kids
  i've been asking the boys if they would give me their seed
  i want a baby
  will you give me your seed?
 L: im not a boy
M: there is new technology
  where the child could have both of our genes
 L: if you want em cute... youd def put me and you together... Leg
 M: They would have your natural good looks and my height.
  Think of the possibilities.
 L: and pool hair
M: pool hair!

I NEED NEW PANTS

M: oh
  that sucks
  i can be quirt
 L: what is quirt
M: quiet
 L: I cannot
  quirt sounds gross
 L: like a fart
 M: i laughed after i typed it
  i was going to fix it but then i just didnt
 L: like a queef
 L: but you shit
 quirt
 M: quirt
 L: a shitty queef
 M you queefer
  a quirt
 L: "I had to clean my sheets cause that nasty bitch i took home last night quirted all over my bed"
  quirt.
M: ew
  I had to bring Lauren new pants to work beause she quirted herself when she sneezed.
  quirt
 L: Its happened before

Hand jobs and baby food

M: call my office and see if the general mailbox recording is weird
L: ok
 L: no its fine
 M: ok cool
 L: you should do sex phone operator
 M: hahah
  i kind of thought that
  after i listened to it
 L: its like
  press one for a hand job
  press two for a fucking
 press three for organic fruit juice for your toddler
M: press five if your pants are unbottoning
 L: four gets no love
 M: four's for whores
 L: whores just get hugs
  no kissing
M: julia roberts style
 L: amen